YESTERDAY I CRIED

Yesterday I cried.

I have been waiting for this moment since March 15th when I closed my two businesses on my fifty-fifth birthday.

I thought I would cry on that day, but I didn’t.

At that point, the GLOBAL pandemic seemed more like a crazy blizzard coming. When one is in the wait and see timeline of a blizzard, we are not quite sure what is in store, but we bundle up, get the candles ready, stock up on supplies and hunker down. On March 15th, it seemed like a wild adventure that we would manage to get through. Somehow.

I didn’t cry then. I didn’t cry when I had to lay off my entire team. I didn’t cry when my great Aunt Helen died from Covid at 104 or when I had to cancel my plans to go see my 102 year old grandfather either. I didn’t even cry when I made the excruciating decision to close one of my businesses.

I kept waiting though.

To cry.

And I am a bit of a crier; crying is not usually difficult for me so it has been odd not to cry at this immense loss of the last seven months. Maybe because as tragic as this experience has been, there is an odd pragmatism that has kicked in.

I have found myself asking the question, What is the worst thing that can happen besides death? Besides getting one of my loved ones sick as a carrier?

Financial ruin? The beauty of being fifty-five and living a life well lived is that even the prospects of financial ruin don’t make me cry. The…