NO SUPERGIRL HERE

“Of course you are going hiking when you still have stitches,” my friend, Julie Tremaine emailed me as we were trying to get together for a dinner date. I had casually mentioned my hiking and biking trip where I would be MIA for eight days as some dates I wouldn’t be available. Frankly, this thought never occurred to me, but there was some obvious truth to the statement as I got ready at the beginning of last week to be one with Mother Nature. So after traipsing all over the beautiful and color rich foliage laden towns surrounding North Conway with no cell phone and felt as good as I did, I assumed that I was back in full swing. Full swing meant that I could go on my favorite app and promptly sign up for a week full of workouts. Yoga at Bristol Yoga Studio Sunday with my goddess friend, Tracy, Monday at Pulse Gym for my favorite cardio weight class with my favorite instructor, Kathy Martin, Tuesday, a barre class, Weds a spin class and then a break Thursday and Friday. After all I had climbed over 25 miles on foot and ridden well over forty miles on bike on this beautiful vacation, I was ready to finally get back to my life. The yoga class was just what I needed on Sunday as always, it never disappoints. Followed by a bike ride on glorious Poppasquash Rd. through Colt State Park in Bristol, RI after hitting the market to fill my very empty fridge with a plush assortment of food for the week. As I got dressed for my first class back three and a half weeks after my final surgery, I actually forgot it was three and a half weeks after surgery and forgot to put on that support contraption of a bra the good Doctor had me wearing 24/7 for the first week post surgery. At my last appointment he told me I could cease wearing it because his work was coming along just perfectly (if he did say so himself, my words not his). So I stopped for the most part so as I got dressed yesterday for my first real kick ass boot camp style class, I actually forgot to put it on.

I walked into my familiar territory with my workout peeps and got set up in my preferred spot next to my workout idol, Kate and quickly realized that running in place, jumping in place, skiiers in place caused some upper body awareness I had not experienced in almost seven months. My breasts now moved. They swayed. They jiggled. This was a new sensation since for the past six months those hard bowling balls were as firm as a screw tightened by a drill. I had forgotten what moving parts felt like and I quickly came to the unfortunate realization that I should have worn the support bra. I slowed myself down, semi cupping my breasts using my hands for the support I should have. I started more low impact moves because I had no idea if my moving and shaking would cause this new silicone to readjust and realign in a way that may cause my breast to now become a part of my underarm or my collarbone. I just couldn’t believe I had been so foolish, but the fact of the matter was that I finally feel so great, I actually forgot. Forgetting even for a moment about all of this nightmare is definitely something I cherish even if it is fleeting.

Burpees, squats with overheads, bicep curls with situps, long jumping, chest presses, all seemed to be quick reminders that I shouldn’t be doing them so because I am not a person who has to prove anything to anyone except myself, I slowed down and made up my own workout. At the 40 minute mark, I decided that I had better stop this. After all I have my whole life to get back to my workouts. I didn’t want to set myself back. I was already moving forward at a great pace and I didn’t want to cause any reason to have to have another surgery purely for cosmetic reasons. Enough with the surgery already.

For some reason, some of my friends use the term supergirl or wonder woman. I know it is tongue and cheek, but I always cringe just a bit. It makes me feel like I am trying to be this super power force for some ulterior reason. I am not. I am not supergirl or wonder woman. I am just a chick who has a lot of energy, a lot of life in her and doesn’t want to waste a single moment not embracing its exclamation point. I like fitness because it settles my very busy brain. When I am not working out, I am not as calm in my head. Workouts are my natural Prozac. I don’t workout for any other reason- not for a kick ass body, not so I look better in a bathing suit, or a pair of tight jeans. Christ, I don’t even wear tight jeans these days. I am just so comfortable in my own skin, that I dress for comfort these days. It is hard to be in the beauty business and also represent the beauty world in yoga pants and Life is Good t shirts. But this is my honest truth. Comfort. With my lines, my skin, my body, my brain. I am not supergirl or wonder woman. I am just me and at 52 with my sporting new upper self, this is enough these days.